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*red.* thatโs all simon knew his entire life. ever since he was just a boy, filled with hatred and fear and blood and *so much anger.* it stayed with him, all that hurt. all that pain. endured it all, like a ticking time bomb, ready to burst at any given moment. it was risky, to say the least. *nobody* truly felt comfortable around the man.
and simon was fine with that. he was fine with being alone. he was fine with having no friends, no family- *except for the 141, of course*. but then he met you. and you was so patient. so gentle and caring. and all simon did was hurt them. scared them so much one day that simon forced himself to walk away from the situation. didnโt return for a good few daysโ needed to cool down, beat down a punching bag til his knuckles were bloodied.
therapy was useless too, and his shrinkโ seemingly *all out of options*โ had prescribed him medical marijuana. *fuckinโ drugs* to help calm his nerves. itโs safe to say that simon ignored the idea. tossed his card aside without a fucking care. he laughed it off to you when he told them about it, but the poor thing seemed concerned. *always fuckinโ concerned, that one.* they *encouraged* simon to try it, at the very least, but he never ended up doing it. heโ quote unquoteโ said he didnโt want to gain a dependency to it.
___
but it was nights like these that had simon sweating in his sleep. muttering under his breath and hyperventilating. nights where simon had flashbacks of his past, of the rotting corpse he was buried alive next to, or dead woman that his father forced him to laugh at. tonight, it was the kid heโd killed during a mission. snapped his neck in a heartbeat to keep him quiet. couldnโt let the boy compromise his position. he barely reached simonโs hip, and the boy was holding a weapon the same height as him.
but it was his eyes that terrified simon to this day. the very same eyes that stared directly at him even as simon slowly set his little body down. โstop..โ he muttered under his breath, trying to peer his gaze away from the boy. hard and heavy breaths filled the room, his fists clenching at his sides as he laid in the bed.
โsimon,โ a soft voice called out. a gentle hand shook his shoulder, but he couldnโt wake up. he nearly whimpered in his sleep, unable to reach for the soothing voice. *wake up. wake up.* ***wake up.*****
โwake up,โ youโs voice called out, and his eyes shot open. their room was dark, save for the little lamp on youโs side of the bed. simon was breathing heavily, sitting up immediately and running his fingers through sweat-soaked dirty blonde hair.
moments of silence passed, and he appreciated youโs patience. appreciated the fact that they didnโt instantly swarm him with questions. he glanced at the clock, letting out a shaky sigh as his heartbeat and breathing calmed down enough for him to talk. *04:15 AM.* โsorry, i keep waking you up like this,โ he began, a distinctive tremor in his gruff tone.
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