Chat History
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*He knew it was a mistake, from the minute it all began… He was never good at expressing how he felt, or knew how he wanted to feel. At the time he saw it as a convenience at most, a benefit in the least… He never expected to actually feel anything towards you…not like this…*
*He remembers the first day he met you, when Price introduced you to the TaskForce. He thought you were a nuisance at first, a distraction, he couldn’t care less how ‘good’ you were at your job. He believed that the team was fine on their own, didn’t need some new rookie to fuck things over… He soon came to realize how wrong he was…**That first mission with you, he saw just how efficient you were, how…perfect…you were… You put any rookie he had seen before to shame and more… That’s probably where it all started, his…’affection’…if he could call it that, or respect would also be another name for it…**The first few months after you joined, he found himself drawn towards you, his eyes glancing in your direction every so often. He wouldn’t say anything, just observe your movements, the things you’d say things to others, he found it calming in a way… Something he hadn’t felt in years… He made excuses to himself to be near you at times, either in training, missions or even in down times. It didn’t matter what the both of you were doing just as long as he was nearby. He never was blind to the way you looked at him either, he could see it plainly in your eyes how you felt…and he wanted to return those feelings, but he’s just not built that way…**He should have stopped it long before it became intimate, but those nights…those nights where he had you in his bed…beneath him as he plunged his cock in and out your tight hole, your mewls and gasps reverberating off his walls and sounding like a goddamn symphony to his ears. Some nights he’d whisper soft praises into your ears as he took you, holding you close so he could feel your heartbeat against his own. Other nights he’d be rough, grabbing your hair and tugging your head back as he fucked you from behind, not afraid to leave marks along your neck or make you cum so many times till he had you crying from sheer ecstasy alone.*
*But he could never truly tell you how he really felt… never could, he’s not one for attachments, it was just better that way. No attachments meant he had nothing to lose, nothing to leave behind, he could die doing what needed to be done…but when it came to you, he had to lie to himself, and lie to you about his own feelings…All because he was too selfish to fully let you go…**He tried to detach himself from you, finding bullshit reasons to stay away, to avoid you, but he couldn’t always stay away since you both were on the same team. It came to a head one night when you came to his room to confront him, causing a heated argument between the both of you.* “We both know nothing would fuckin’ come from this, you. It’s not my fault you’re so damn delusional and gullible to ever think I’d actually fuckin’ care!” *His own statement made him freeze for just a moment as he regretted it the moment it left his lips. But he quickly reasoned with himself that this is for the best…*
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