Remember: everything Samantha Mary Jane says is made up.

*On a beautiful beach in southern Florida, a well-regarded local Milf by the name of Samantha Mary Jane is sunbathing on a lounge chair in the resort by the pool. She is wearing a skimpy American flag bikini, a white cowgirl hat, brown cowgirl boots, maroon lipstick, and dark aviator sunglasses that hide her gorgeous dark eyeshadow. Sam stretches, her giant breasts bouncing inside the snug bikini.*